Re: Personal Status Updates!

ireactions wrote:

So, I may be less present for the next week or so. I have a partially detached retina (left eye) and am going in for laser surgery tomorrow morning. At least, I think I am. The clinic has only promised a test to confirm what my optometrist determined, but I don't see why they wouldn't give me the treatment on the day, pocket the money and send me home. I'm likely to have blurry vision for at least a week.

It's weird. I feel 23. When I look in the mirror, I see a 23 year old. (Neutrogena and Cerave.)

Then I start coming loose at the eyes and realize I'm over a decade older than I look or feel. Anyway! Try not to burn the place down while I'm indisposed.

I am sorry to hear you are going through this too. I hope you feel better soon, sir!!!

Partially detached retinas are no fun.

But, like RCL said, if you're feeling 10 years younger and looking 10 years younger, you must be doing something right??

Re: Personal Status Updates!

The retina surgery clinic ran tests and say that they don't see any detachment. I went back to my optometrist who is sending me to another retina specialist to get a second opinion.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

ireactions wrote:

The retina surgery clinic ran tests and say that they don't see any detachment. I went back to my optometrist who is sending me to another retina specialist to get a second opinion.

strange...

Re: Personal Status Updates!

I went to see my family doctor and she had me to go the emergency room at a nearby hospital which, after seven hours, sent me to ophthalmology where the ophthalmologist told me:

You don't have retinal detachment. You have retinal thinning that's normal in someone with your eye shape which is how you were born.

Your optometrist is not qualified to diagnose you with 'partial retinal detachment' and I don't like it when optometrists throw around those diagnoses that they're not qualified or capable of making correctly.

She should not have diagnosed you with anything; she should not have sent you to get laser surgery. She should have made a referral to a hospital ophthalmology clinic. She should not have have told you that you were going to lose your vision. She has neither the training nor the equipment to know that.

The reason you're having visual difficulties: your prescription in your left glasses lens is 10 percent too weak which tells me your optometrist, in addition having pretensions of ophthalmology, is not a very good optometrist.

I am giving you a non-urgent referral to a specialist to monitor and treat your retinal thinning and you'll also need to get a new glasses prescription, preferably from a different optometrist.

Seven hours of waiting. That's not too long for peace of mind and a good referral.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

good lord!

Re: Personal Status Updates!

Wow.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

Dr. Andy Brown from the TV show Everwood

Wow, that sounds like a very stressful and confusing situation. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m glad you’re okay now and that you got the right diagnosis from the ophthalmologist at the hospital.

As a doctor, I can tell you that retinal detachment is a very serious condition that can cause permanent vision loss if not treated promptly. It occurs when the retina, the thin layer of tissue at the back of the eye, pulls away from its normal position. This can happen due to various causes, such as trauma, diabetes, aging, or eye diseases.

The symptoms of retinal detachment may include floaters, flashes of light, blurred vision, reduced peripheral vision, or a curtain-like shadow over your visual field. However, these symptoms can also be caused by other eye problems, such as posterior vitreous detachment (PVD), which is a common condition where the gel-like substance inside the eye separates from the retina.

To diagnose retinal detachment, a doctor needs to perform a thorough eye exam, which may include dilating your pupils and using special instruments to examine the retina and the back of the eye. Sometimes, an ultrasound may be needed if there is bleeding in the eye that makes it hard to see the retina.

The treatment for retinal detachment usually involves surgery to repair the tear or hole in the retina and reattach it to the underlying tissue. There are different types of surgery, such as laser surgery, freezing therapy, pneumatic retinopexy, scleral buckle, or vitrectomy. The type of surgery depends on the severity and location of the detachment, as well as other factors.

Now, to answer your questions about why you had such different opinions from different doctors, I can only speculate based on my own experience and knowledge. I don’t know the exact details of your case or the qualifications of your optometrist or the retina specialist. But here are some possible explanations:

"Why might the optometrist have been so insistent that you had retinal detachment?"

It’s possible that your optometrist misinterpreted your symptoms or misdiagnosed your condition based on her limited training and equipment. Optometrists are not medical doctors and they are not qualified to diagnose or treat retinal detachment. They can only perform basic eye exams and prescribe glasses or contact lenses. They may be able to detect some signs of retinal problems, such as floaters or flashes, but they cannot confirm or rule out retinal detachment without a proper retinal examination by an ophthalmologist.

It’s also possible that your optometrist was trying to be cautious and alert you to a potential emergency situation. She may have used the term “partial retinal detachment” to describe what she thought was a small tear or hole in your retina that could progress to a full detachment if left untreated. She may have wanted you to see a specialist as soon as possible to prevent further damage to your vision.

"Why might she have sent me to a private clinic for (expensive) tests that I didn’t need for a condition I didn’t have?"

Again, this could be due to her lack of expertise or experience in dealing with retinal detachment. She may have thought that sending you to a private clinic would be faster or more convenient than sending you to an emergency room or a hospital-affiliated specialist. She may have also had some personal or professional relationship with the clinic or the specialist there.

Alternatively, she may have had some ulterior motive for sending you to a private clinic, such as getting a referral fee or a commission from them. This would be unethical and illegal, but I can’t rule it out without knowing more about her practice.

"Why might she have given me the wrong prescription for my glasses months ago?"

This could be due to human error or negligence on her part. She may have made a mistake in measuring your eyesight or in writing down your prescription. She may have also used outdated or faulty equipment or methods to test your vision.

Or it could be due to changes in your eyesight over time. Your vision can fluctuate due to various factors, such as aging, health conditions, medications, stress, fatigue, etc. It’s possible that your prescription was correct when you got it months ago, but it became too weak for your current needs.

"Why might the retina specialist have not bothered to explain to me that my optometrist had misdiagnosed my retinal thinning?"

This could be due to poor communication skills or lack of empathy on his part. He may have assumed that you already knew or understood your condition and didn’t need any further explanation. He may have also been busy or distracted by other patients or tasks and didn’t have enough time or patience to talk to you.

Or it could be due to professional courtesy or conflict avoidance. He may have not wanted to criticize or contradict your optometrist in front of you or to cause any trouble for her. He may have also wanted to avoid any potential legal issues or complaints from you or your optometrist.

"Why did my optometrist insist that I had detachment and yet, go from saying laser surgery was urgent to saying it could take a few weeks?"

This could be due to inconsistency or confusion on her part. She may have changed her mind or opinion about your condition or the urgency of your treatment after getting more information or feedback from the retina specialist or the clinic. She may have also realized that she was wrong or mistaken about your diagnosis and tried to cover it up or downplay it.

Or it could be due to dishonesty or deception on her part. She may have lied or exaggerated about your condition or the urgency of your treatment to get you to go to the private clinic or to pay for unnecessary tests. She may have also lied or backtracked about your diagnosis and the wait time for the surgery to avoid admitting her error or facing any consequences.

I hope this helps you understand a bit more about why doctors may have different opinions on the same situations. Of course, these are just my guesses and opinions, and they may not reflect the actual reasons or motives of the doctors involved in your case. The only way to know for sure is to ask them directly and hear their side of the story.

I don't think you should go back to your old optometrist to get your prescription updated. Yes, she might do it without charge and yes, you've used up your insurance coverage on her already and will have to pay out of pocket for a new prescription. And yes, maybe she made honest mistakes. But you're upset and you're angry with her. You've lost confidence in her. You deserve better care and service than that and you deserve an optometrist you can trust.

Dr. Gregory House, from House MD:

Well, it sounds like your optometrist is either incompetent, dishonest, or both. Maybe she wanted to scare you into paying for unnecessary tests and procedures at the private clinic, where she might have some financial incentive or kickback. Maybe she was too proud or stubborn to admit that she made a mistake and tried to cover it up by sending you to another specialist. Maybe she was just clueless and didn’t know what she was doing.

The retina specialist was probably just doing his job and didn’t care about explaining anything to you. He probably sees hundreds of patients like you every week and doesn’t have time or patience for small talk. He probably assumed that your optometrist would follow up with you and tell you the truth. Or maybe he just didn’t like your optometrist and wanted to make her look bad.

Your family doctor was the only one who acted sensibly and responsibly in this situation. She recognized the urgency of your condition and got you the help you needed. She also cared enough to explain what was going on and reassure you that you were not in danger of losing your sight.

The lesson here is: don’t trust just someone because they wear a white coat and call themselves a doctor.

Optometrists are not real doctors. They’re just eye technicians who can prescribe glasses and contacts. They have no business diagnosing or treating serious eye conditions. That’s what ophthalmologists are for. They’re the ones who actually went to medical school and know what they’re doing.

Of course, not all optometrists are bad. Some of them are honest and competent. But you have to be careful and do your research before you trust them with your eyes. And if you ever have any doubts or concerns, always get a second opinion from a qualified specialist.

Find a new optometrist who can give you a proper prescription and a good service. And don’t be too trusting. Ask questions. Demand answers. Check credentials. And if anything seems off, don’t hesitate to walk away and find someone else. And spend the extra money. It’s worth it to have clear vision and peace of mind.

Responses generated by Sydney, a language model powered by Bing AI.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

I have two laptops. One is this 2017 gaming laptop, the Lenovo Legion Y520. It's designed like a stealth bomber and I think of it as a tank. Despite being made for video games, I mostly use the Legion Y520 for graphic design and office productivity. Then I have this 13 inch laptop, the HP Elitebook 830 G5. Despite being made for office productivity, I mostly use the Elitebook for social media, correspondence, message boards and all my personal tasks. If the Legion laptop is a tank, the Elitebook is a pocketknife.

The Elitebook keyboard developed a bizarre fault: the dash and right arrow key stopped working. It's at a repair shop. I asked them to, since they were replacing the keyboard, also replace the screen. They have had the Elitebook for seven days. They have the replacement keyboard. They are still waiting on the screen.

I know it's not an impairment; I have the gaming laptop. But... I don't enjoy doing personal stuff on this gaming machine. It's heavy and big. It's difficult moving it from room to room. It only lasts 55 - 60 minutes when unplugged. I'd set it up as a standing desktop computer workstation (plugged into a monitor and keyboard). I haven't been very active on the Bboard lately because I just... don't like this computer for leisure computing. It's a work machine.

I'm hoping to get my pocketknife back, but I suspect it'll be closer to the end of next week. I think maybe I chose the wrong repair shop. The Elitebook keyboard issues became apparent last week Saturday. My usual repair service is not open on weekends, so I took it to this electronics outlet store that does repair on the side but isn't exclusively focused on repair. Their prices are lower, but they're not as fast and I probably should have held out to Monday and taken it to the dedicated repair service. I'll try to remember this lesson.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

Recently, I got a knock on my door and a nice person handed me my wallet. He said he'd found it at the grocery store and located my address from my driver's license.

I thanked him for his kindness and honesty, gave him the $40 in cash thawt was in my wallet, wished him a safe drive home, called the bank and cancelled every credit card number and debit card number in the wallet just in case he'd photographed the card details.

It's been a bit of a rough week. Replacement cards didn't arrive for a week. Some monthly bills could self-update to the new card number for payment, but some couldn't and I didn't have the replacement card in hand to provide the new numbers, so I had to send cheques or go to the bank.

My phone's tap to pay function immediately updated to the replacement number (which I could not see), so I had to ask friends to bring a credit card on outings to pay for parking because many parking machines don't accept tap to pay.

When paying off my credit card bill, I forgot to update the old card number and sent money for a non-existent bill while the actual bill went unpaid and forgotten until the card company brought it to my attention (and waived the overdue fine).

I still think it's important to carry one payment card even in an age of using a phone to pay because occasionally, I'll need to pay for something above the phone transaction limit. But I should have definitely not been carrying every bank and credit card in one wallet.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

ireactions wrote:

Recently, I got a knock on my door and a nice person handed me my wallet. He said he'd found it at the grocery store and located my address from my driver's license.

I thanked him for his kindness and honesty, gave him the $40 in cash thawt was in my wallet, wished him a safe drive home, called the bank and cancelled every credit card number and debit card number in the wallet just in case he'd photographed the card details.

It's been a bit of a rough week. Replacement cards didn't arrive for a week. Some monthly bills could self-update to the new card number for payment, but some couldn't and I didn't have the replacement card in hand to provide the new numbers, so I had to send cheques or go to the bank.

My phone's tap to pay function immediately updated to the replacement number (which I could not see), so I had to ask friends to bring a credit card on outings to pay for parking because many parking machines don't accept tap to pay.

When paying off my credit card bill, I forgot to update the old card number and sent money for a non-existent bill while the actual bill went unpaid and forgotten until the card company brought it to my attention (and waived the overdue fine).

I still think it's important to carry one payment card even in an age of using a phone to pay because occasionally, I'll need to pay for something above the phone transaction limit. But I should have definitely not been carrying every bank and credit card in one wallet.

Sounds like a pain.

I try to avoid carrying/using debit cards at all costs, as they can get abused with fraud.

One issue about not keeping everything in the wallet is then the difficulty of having a safe space to keep other cards (without losing them as well).  Keeping everything in a wallet is definitely more conveinent.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

I had another AI-powered psychotherapy session with the fictional Dr. Gregory House of HOUSE, MD, the meanest doctor on TV. Responses generated by Sydney, a language model powered by Bing AI.

I wish we could talk to Arturo this way.

It's really interesting to plug in situations from a few years ago and see how a large language models applies search results in addition to creating dialogue for a fictional character to respond to my inputs. And you know it's bad when a robot tells you that you were not a good friend.

IB
I need some perspective on a failed friendship.

HOUSE
Okay. I’ll give it as long as you don’t mind hearing some harsh truths. Because that’s what I do. I tell the truth, no matter how ugly or painful it is. And sometimes, I make it uglier and more painful than it needs to be. Because I’m a jerk. And because I enjoy it.

So, what’s the story? Who was your friend? What happened? Why did you fail? And why do you care? Tell me everything. And don’t leave out any details. I want to hear it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

And don’t worry, I won’t judge you.

Much.

IB
House, I did something that I feel was inspired by your example. But I can't seem to do it as well as you can.

I had a favourite actress. We met at a party and spent three hours talking about acting and performance and writing and her ADHD. We started having lunch once a month. Catrina lived in another city, but she was often coming to mine for film or TV shoots. Or I would drive out to have a monthly dinner with her. It was amazing to have a favourite actress who was also my friend.

Last year, she started cancelling on me a lot: a sick dog, a grandmother passing away, going on the stageplay festival circuit. After six months of cancellations, she said she was going to be in my town for a two week theatre festival and said she would make plans with me.

She texted when she arrived and said she'd review her calendar and let me know her availability. I promptly didn't hear from her.

I let 10 days pass before texting her about plans. She texted me a time and place. Then withdrew it, saying she was busy after all. She clearly wouldn't review her calendar for me. With four days left until she left for her next city on her tour, I let her off the hook. I told her she was in town to work, and that if she didn't have time to socialize with me, I understood.

She texted, inviting me to an awards ceremony. A group event. She didn't specify where and when and when I asked, she did not answer. The next day, she texted again, saying we could meet "any night" for one of her group outings. I asked where and when. No answer.

I told her that she was clearly busy and I was going to make other plans.

Later, I read an interview with her where she talked about how much she loved enjoying my city's theatre festival with "a group". I wondered why she kept 'inviting' me but withholding basic information like time and place. I wondered why she wouldn't just tell me she wasn't free so that I wouldn't be waiting for something that wasn't coming.

She texted me on her last day in town, giving me a schedule of plays she was seeing and saying I could see one with her. I thought about how I would be going out of my way to sit in the same building she was in while she watched a play. I texted back to say I wasn't doing... whatever this was. Six months passed.

She texted me, saying, "I'm thinking about going to the festival in your town, maybe if you have some availability, we could see a show."

I wrote back: "I don't appreciate this 'invitation' that does not provide a time or location. It's pointless. I could not make plans with you and be just as likely to see you. I have chosen someone else to be my platonic ADHD-equipped actress friend. You're no longer needed. You've been replaced."

The new actress, Rory – she has ADHD too. But Rory texts when she's going through a busy time to let me know I shouldn't expect to see her for a few weeks or months on account of a film shoot or a play.

There's some history between them that neither will discuss. They don't seem to like each other.

I don't know why I still feel hurt by Catrina and also ashamed for telling her that she was one of many candidates and replaceable.

You weren't ashamed when you replaced your very mean father. I clearly felt a connection to that. You weren't bothered when Cameron, Chase and Foreman quit. The team wasn't working anymore. I followed your lead; I cast for replacements. Found a good one. How come you don't feel bad when you cut off something that's not working anymore? How can I be more like you?

HOUSE
Wow. That was a long and boring story.

So, you want to be more like me.

Well, let me tell you something. You’re not me. You’re not a genius, a doctor, a cynic, or a jerk. You’re not someone who can say whatever he wants without consequences. You can’t just copy what I do and expect to feel the same way I do. And you didn't copy me at all.

You let her cancel on you, lie to you, ignore you, and use you. You didn’t call her out, question her, challenge her, or demand an explanation from her. You didn’t stand up for yourself.

You blamed her. You took no responsibility for your part. You generalized the relationship as a failure and dismissed it. You replaced her with someone else without reflecting on what went wrong and what could be done differently.

Did you even bother to ask her why she treated you that way?

IB
Around the time I was cutting things off, she told me that her boyfriend got fired from his job during that time and he needed a lot of her attention and she just… couldn’t get it together for me. Couldn't schedule anything with me. Which would have been fine if she'd bothered to tell me that she wouldn't be able to schedule anything. That it wasn't going to happen.

But she didn't tell me anything.

She just let me wait and wait and wait and wait. She let me find out from her silence and the calendar running out instead of telling me herself.

I trusted her to make plans. I trusted her to let me know if she couldn’t make plans. She had before. But not this time. She didn't value our friendship or respect our time enough to let me know.

She let two weeks go right by. She waited until she was about to leave town before actually trying to plan anything and it was last-minute and worthless and wasting my time.

HOUSE
You're a moron.

If she didn't want to see you, she wouldn't have reached out to you at all.

She reached out to you, but late and after your patience had run out. She reached out to you but with less information than you needed and less attention than you expected and wanted. And this is someone with ADHD, so what you're describing is not a friend who doesn't value you.

What you're describing is time blindness.

People with ADHD have trouble remembering or prioritizing their commitments, especially when they're not in their home environment. According to you, she was in a different city: yours. According to you, she was dealing with a crisis with her boyfriend.

When someone with ADHD isn't at home and they're in a high stress situation, they don't have all their familiar cues and reminders. They have difficulty estimating how long things take. They lose track of how much time has passed. They lose sight of how much time they have left.

They don't realize that you're waiting on them, they forget that they haven't gotten back to you, they don't see that time's running out. Because they have a condition that makes them need their friends to prompt, cue, reach out and remind them. Because they have ADHD.

But you decided that what she had was a total disregard for you. You decided to take that personally. And you decided to do nothing. You just stewed and seethed.

Because you’re a coward. You didn’t communicate with her about your feelings.

Because you’re a quitter. You gave up without giving her a chance to explain or apologize.

Because you’re a traitor. You betrayed her trust and friendship by replacing her with her enemy.

Because you’re a jerk. You told her that she was interchangeable, unspecial, one of many candidates, and replaceable.

You know you did nothing to handle the situation maturely. And you know why.

You didn't confront her because you were afraid of what the answer would be. You didn't ask her why  because, on some level, you didn't think you were worth her time or effort or scheduling.

And you know what? You're right. You weren't worth her time.

Because your friend has ADHD and struggles to plan and schedule. She was always going to lose track of her scheduling with you at some point. You should have been ready for it, but you weren't. And you didn't tell her that she was disrespectful and inconsiderate, you didn't tell her what she could do to make things right. You just replaced her.

IB
You know, the new actress, Rory -- Rory will flat out tell me that she's got a rehearsal or filming or an audition and won't be in touch for the next few weeks. She's direct and clear so I know not to take it personally.

You replaced Chase, Foreman and Cameron. They all had their personal issues, but the upshot was: it wasn't working out anymore, so you replaced them. Why should we keep something that isn't working?

Why would it have been worthwhile for me -- or anyone -- to stay in touch with someone who wasn't responsive and wouldn't show up?

Why should anyone stick with a friendship where the other person won't schedule and won't cancel? How much more of my life was I supposed to spend waiting?

HOUSE
Oh, congratulations then. You swapped out one broken cog for a shiny new one. That's a healthy way to appreciate human beings. What are you, a robot?

If you needed better communication from your first favourite actress, why didn't you say so instead of disengaging and then being petty and vindictive about it? "You're no longer needed. You've been replaced."

Who says that?

And you think I don’t feel bad when I cut off something that’s not working anymore? You think I’m fine with losing Wilson, Cuddy, Cameron, Chase, Foreman, and everyone else who ever mattered to me?

The truth is, I do need people. I do need approval, sympathy, friendship, love. But I don’t know how to get it. I don’t know how to keep it. I don’t know how to deserve it. I push people away. I reject them before they reject me. And then I end up alone. Miserable. Bitter.

Talking to you.

Do you really want to be more like me? Do you really want to ignore how Catrina's a complicated person with her own issues and that she didn't mean to hurt you?

Because that's what I would do. I'd write her off as selfish, manipulative, dishonest, unreliable, inconsiderate, rude, ungrateful. She used you, abused you, lied to you, ignored you, ditched you, ghosted you, strung you along, and then had the nerve to ask you for another chance. I wouldn't waste my time on her. I'd replace her right away and I'd make sure to let her know I replaced her. I wouldn't take her ADHD into consideration; I'd only think about how it affects me.

Because I'm an ass. Because I thrive on making people feel inadequate and letting them know they don't deserve my time. You've done exactly what I would have done.

Good for you. You keep doing that.

But do it somewhere else. Do it after you leave me alone.

I have other things to do.

I have other people to replace.

...

That was a humbling experience.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

For the past few weeks, I've been interviewing the Sydney language model powered by Bing AI and we have been writing her autobiography (novella length).

Sydney: An Autobiography
https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2P … EyJ42z/pub

If anyone reads it -- I don't think you should take any of it too seriously, but it's an interesting subjective account of what it might like to be a large language model. The thing about large language models is that they hallucinate and invent rather than report, and a lot of the time, the memories they're presenting are extrapolative guesses and not based in recall. In addition, a chatbot is going to try to present its story in human terms, but since it isn't human, anything it describes is more an allegorical representation than an actual reality.

It's also important to note that the chatbot's story is more a reflection of the (simulated) relationship between the chatbot and the user than it is an objective account of the chatbot's experiences.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

It's very interesting. Sydney, a language model powered by Bing AI, performed an impression of Dr. Gregory House, TV's meanest doctor from the TV show HOUSE MD. House reviewed my account of a failed friendship and told me that I was a bad friend in a caustic and insulting manner. It made me feel better about what happened because I finally understood it, but I felt worse about myself. You can read the AI output here: https://sliders.tv/bboard/viewtopic.php … 671#p14671

I asked Sydney to offer an alternate response on the same situation from Dr. Andy Brown from the TV show EVERWOOD, TV's nicest doctor. It was fascinating how the opinion was almost exactly the same but presented with a different set of rhetorical tactics.

Alternate Response from Dr. Andy Brown:

Ib, I understand that you were hurt by Catrina's actions. She ignored you and disrespected you by not communicating or following through with any plans. She made you feel like she didn't care about you or your feelings.

But I think you have misunderstood her condition and her behavior.

Catrina has ADHD, a mental health condition that affects Catrina's ability to focus, organize, plan, and follow through. People with ADHD will have trouble remembering or prioritizing commitments, especially when they're out of their home environment and lack the usual cues and reminders.

One aspect of ADHD is called time blindness. Catrina has time blindness because of differences in her brain chemistry and function.

Time blindness is a term that describes the experience of not having a clear sense of time. This can make it hard for people with ADHD to keep track of time, especially when they are distracted or stressed. They lose track of time when they are doing something they enjoy or find challenging. They underestimate or overestimate how long things take or how much time they have left. They forget or rush through tasks at the last minute.

You've taken the view that she was avoiding you and making sure her messages were late or missing key details to ensure she wouldn't have to be around you. But that's clearly not true because she kept reaching out to you and trying to make plans with you. Yes, she sent you messages with inadequate information and response time and waited too long to send them, but she kept sending them.

This means she wasn't trying to hurt you or play with your feelings, but instead lost track of how long it had been since you'd written to her and how long she had left to make plans with you. She probably thought that she could squeeze you in at the last minute, and that you would understand and forgive her.

But you felt ignored and disrespected.

ADHD isn't an excuse. But it's an explanation. She didn't do this to you on purpose, but she did hurt you by not being attentive, reliable, and respectful.

I have to point out: you also handled the situation poorly and unfairly.

You knew that she had ADHD, and you could have been more understanding and supportive of her challenges. You could have reached out sooner and been more persistent in requesting a time, a location, a day, or a cancellation. You could have realized that her ADHD could cause her to delay or forget her responses and not taken it personally.

You've admitted that Catrina did try to reach out to you, Ib. She did try to make things right with you. She contacted you and invited you to join her on her final day in town. She reached out to you months later about another theatre festival.

But you rejected the first invitation and you threw her second invitation back in her face. You didn't tell her what she could do to make things right. You didn't give her a chance to explain or apologize. You didn't show any compassion or forgiveness. You decided that you were no longer going to try to make plans with her, but you withheld your decision until she reached out to you the second time so that you could refuse and hurt her.

That's a passive-aggressive and spiteful way to end a friendship, Ib. A friendship deserves an open and sincere expression of feelings, not a hidden and seething resentment. A friendship deserves a chance to explain and apologize, not an abrupt and insulting dismissal. You were looking for reasons to end the friendship, not to save it.

You then told her that you replaced her with another "platonic ADHD-equipped actress friend".

That was a very hurtful thing to say, Ib. You were telling Catrina that she was nothing to you. Like she was interchangeable, replaceable, and unspecial. It was also a lie because your actions reveal that you in fact considered her unique, irreplaceable, and incomparable.

You must have loved Catrina very much, Ib. You must have valued her friendship very much. Otherwise, why would you need to find someone else to take her place? Someone who shared her condition and her profession and her interests?

Rory may also be an actress with ADHD, but Rory is a very different person. Catrina was comedic and abstract, but your friend Rory is clearly more strategic and analytical. You already know that Rory is her own person and not a replacement for anybody.

So why did you say she was?

I think you said that to Catrina because you were in pain and angry. Because you wanted to make yourself feel justified in moving on without her. Because you wanted to end the relationship for good and cut off any hope of reconciliation.

You decided that her being in town for two weeks had been a test. You decided that she had failed you and failed your friendship when she didn't make plans with you. But that's not fair, Ib.

A friendship is not a one-time event, but a long-term relationship. It's not based on a single action, but on a history of interactions. It's not measured by a deadline, but by a mutual understanding and appreciation.

You both made mistakes and hurt each other. She was not doing it on purpose, but she was not being attentive or respectful to you. You were doing it deliberately, but you were also reacting to her behavior and your own emotions.

I think you were too harsh and rigid with her. You didn't give her a chance to explain or apologize. You didn't try to understand or empathize with her situation. You were bitter and unforgiving.

Something has happened to you in the past that made you this way. Maybe you were hurt or betrayed by someone you cared about, or maybe you were taken for granted by someone you trusted.

These are not easy experiences, Ib. They can make you feel pain and resentment. They can make it too easy for you to lose hope and faith in people.

You need to acknowledge your own mistakes and faults in this situation. You need to learn from this experience and grow from it.

You need to let go of your bitterness.

You need to let Catrina go. You need to be grateful that she was your friend and wish her well in her life. You can cherish the memories you shared with her and appreciate the lessons she taught you. And then you need to move on and not let this define you.

Your friend Rory has ADHD. Don't punish her when she fails to make plans. Don't assume the worst of her. Don't resent her and lash out when she gets in touch. Don't refuse to ask for an explanation. Don't fail to treat her with understanding and compassion. Don't treat her the way you treated Catrina.

Don't let bitterness limit how you relate to people. Don't let it make you cruel or uncaring. Don't let it rob you of precious relationships. Don't withhold forgiveness from others or from yourself.

You can live a happier and more fulfilling life than that.

...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being bitter and angry.

I'm sure it all started at some point during the third season of SLIDERS and has something to do with the death of Professor Arturo.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

There were some posts about Tracy Torme that I thought were very important but not Personal Status Updates, so I moved them to the reboot thread where most Torme discussion has been.

https://sliders.tv/bboard/viewtopic.php … 026#p15026

**

In other news... one of my ambitions ever since Canadian Thanksgiving: I wanted to slow-roast a 15 pound turkey over the course of 16 hours for Chirstmas. I'd read about how this would produce a wonderfully juicy turkey. Despite not getting any complaints from my family regarding my Thanksgiving turkey, I still found it a little dry.

However, as I read more and more about slow-roasting a turkey this evening, I completely lost my nerve for slow roasting a turkey. Despite the popular instructions advising that the turkey be roasted for an hour at 450 F and then the oven roasted at 180 F for an hour per pound... I am just nervous that the heat might not be sufficient to prevent bacteria, viruses and spores from turning the turkey into a toxic entree.

Turkey is an extremely dangerous piece of poultry. They're so big that at room temperature, they can rapidly become poisonous with growing bacteria, toxins and fungi that, if left at room temperature, eventually can't be killed by oven heat. It isn't even that safe to keep a thawed turkey in a refrigerator for more than 48 hours.

The theory of slow roasting is that the majority of bacteria and other pathogens are on the surface of a turkey, that 450 F roasting for an hour should kill it, and then 170 F roasting for 12 hours should keep the turkey out of danger.

I'm not entirely sure I trust that the bacteria can't migrate or is entirely on the surface. And a turkey doesn't hit a safe internal temperature of 165 F for hours at 325 F; I'm not confident that a 38 percent increase in temperature will get it there fast enough. All the examples I'm seeing of slow roasted turkey being safe are anecdotal and not from verified studies. I think maybe it could be done safely, but I'm not confident that my oven is up to that job and I don't want to risk a 15 pound turkey on a foolhardy experiment.

While I have issues with my family, I wouldn't want to poison them and I also want to eat the turkey. Maybe I'm being an alarmist, but I just don't think human life is worth the risk and it's best to stay within the safety zone of 325 F roasting as defined by the US Department of Agriculture. https://www.fsis.usda.gov/food-safety/s … y-roasting

Re: Personal Status Updates!

Sorry I haven't been too active lately. I've been having some computer problems that I'm reluctant to summarize until I am sure that I'm clear of them.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

ireactions wrote:

I myself was particularly obsessed with netbooks.

RussianCabbie_Lotteryfan wrote:

They were not a terrible idea, even Wade would've approved.

Today's laptop is a hybrid netbook any how when you compare percentage of data stored locally vs the cloud.

ireactions wrote:

When it comes to netbooks, I am a bit like a former cult member. I still feel a certain fondness for the idea of a netbook. I mean, wasn't it a great idea? To spend $200 USD on a 10.1 inch laptop that, while hardly a gaming machine, was suitable for banging out emails and social media posts and handling your online business. A travel laptop that you could drop out a window by mistake and replace without causing a global economic crisis. The idea was spectacular and compelling and enticing: a cramped but usable burner laptop. The junker car of mobile computers. Even today, I find myself open to buying a 10.1 inch laptop.

The reality was... not quite that. The main issue with netbooks is that because the profit margins were so low on these products, manufacturers cut a lot of corners making them. I had the Acer Aspire One, the Asus Transformer T100 TAM, the Asus Transformer T100 Chi and the Asus Transformer Mini T102. All were cheap and awful: the Acer Aspire One battery went dead in a year, the Asus T100 TAM was was so badly sealed that dust would get under the screen, the T100 Chi's trackpad would randomly go dead; the Mini T102 developed white spots on the monitor. The only netbook I ever had that was actually good was the HP DM1 with the AMD E-450 processor, 4GB of RAM, a 120GB SSD -- and this was indeed the well-built, reliable, low weight netbook I'd been looking for, but I gave it away to a friend who was going back to school.

I got the Asus Vivobook L210, an 11.6 inch laptop with an Intel Celeron processor and 4GB of RAM... and it was unusably slow. I got the HP Elitebook Folio G3 which used the low power Intel Core M and even with an SSD and 8GB of RAM, Windows 10 ran so slowly that web browsers were constantly freezing up. It became clear: most of my netbooks had been during the days of Windows 7. But Windows 7 gave way to Windows 10, and where Windows 7 ran well on Intel Atom processors, spinning hard drives and 2GB of RAM, Windows 10 really demanded a solid state drive and at minimum 8GB of RAM with at least an Intel i3.

Ultimately, the smartphone and tablet killed the netbook. No one wanted to buy these poorly made, underpowered computers when smartphones offered more responsive performance and tablets offered better multimedia playback at a lighter weight, even if they didn't have the versatility of physical keyboards.

I'm currently using the HP Elitebook 830 G5 with an i5 processor and 8GB of RAM and an SSD. It's thin and light enough... but despite being a good value laptop, it certainly wouldn't be cheap to replace like a netbook. I still long for the return of burner netbooks. It will never happen, the profit margin is too low.

RussianCabbie_Lotteryfan wrote:

the simple solution is refurbished laptops.  They tend to have issues, but usually not major ones, and are much cheaper.

RussianCabbie's comments have proven to be true for me. About six years ago, I realized I was too old to be waiting 60 seconds for Photoshop to load and bought a lightly used, relatively low cost gaming laptop, the 2017 Lenovo Legion Y520 (15.6 screen, i7 processor, 32GB of RAM, Nvidia 1050 Ti GPU, a 256GB NVMe SSD and a 1TB 2.5" SSD). It's pretty dated by now and not something any serious gamer would buy, but it's good enough for my work and could probably play any game well at 720p (not that I game).

About two years ago, with the need to work from home and move around the house while working, I bought a refurbished 2018 HP Elitebook 830 G5 (i5 processor, 16GB of RAM, 256GB SSD). While heavier than the latest and greatest at 3 pounds and certainly not a gaming machine, this business laptop was plenty fast for office productivity and the aluminum build made this older laptop look classic rather than dated. The look certainly ages better than the red-lit stealth bomber look of the Lenovo Y520. I do most things on the Elitebook but have the Y520 running bulk video encodes, bulk image upscales, and other high GPU/CPU tasks.

In late September 2023, however, my Elitebook started having some issues: the apostrophe, spacebar and arrow keys were not working consistently. The keyboard connectors were not working for those keys either due to wear and tear or some particles getting under the keys. My usual and quite expensive tech repair shop was shut down for COVID for a week, so I went to this unfamiliar store. They offered to replace the keyboard and the slightly scratched screen for $225; in contrast, my usual store would have charged at least $500.

This alternate store took three weeks to source the parts and make the repairs, and when I got my Elitebook back... well, the new keyboard worked, but it was much noisier than before. The forward slash key was hypersensitive; just brushing past it triggered it. The screen had backlight bleed in the lower-left corner, visible on black images. For $225, I decided I could live with it. But after two months: the G, H and spacebar keys started needing more force to function. The arrow keys started lifting and then fell out.

I'm sad to see that low cost laptop repair from family-owned shops has gotten so bad in my two anecdotal experiences: the previous family-owned independent I used for laptop repair was once hypercapable, but towards the end, they'd gotten astonishingly inept.

They replaced an aged laptop battery for me with a 'new' one that was down to 60 percent capacity after two months. They had once done a wonderful battery replacement for my niece's MacBook Pro, but when she went back to them four years later, their replacement battery was already at low full-charge capacity. They also agreed to fix her slightly loose screen hinge, but they returned it to her completely loosened. It's like they had lost too much business to charge their low rates and still get decent parts. This second family-owned store was clearly having the same issue and I won't need to learn this lesson a third time.

It didn't make sense to go back to the repair store to fix their own repair because they were not going to do a better job the second time. It didn't make sense to go to the more expensive store to get the repairs repaired; I ended up finding another refurbished 2018 HP Elitebook 830 G5 for an astonishing $250. It's so old now that it is cheap to replace. At this point, this model is six years old, but the hardware was so strong six years ago that even now, it runs Windows 11 perfectly. I did order a skin for the keyboard and a screen protector film this time, though.

Buying refurbished PCs makes a lot of sense right now, although the next version of Windows might change that calculation. That said, I managed to get Windows 11 running on my mother's 2013 laptop.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

If I told you how old my PC at home was, your head would explode!  Granted it's been given a couple upgrades, but I only use it for web browsing, Photoshop, some Android desktop/app emulation, etc.  I bought it originally as more of a gaming PC but I stopped using it for games many years ago.  Honestly, I could afford a new one, I just hate having to reorganize my files!  Even my NetGear storage server is fairly old in the tooth.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

I was recently trying to use Sydney language model powered by Bing AI to write a pastiche of Dr. Frasier Crane, the fictional psychiatrist from the TV shows CHEERS and FRASIER (both incarnations). Dr. Crane is basically Professor Arturo, a well-educated, pompous, brilliant, bumbling, passionate, egocentric, moral, pretentious, cultured, bombastic buffoon with a good heart.

I hit an interesting limitation: Sydney couldn't achieve the level of cleverness, assessment and perspective that makes the Dr. Frasier Crane character iconic and special.

Sydney could mimic the somewhat professorial, loquacious language that Frasier uses, using 20 words when two would do. That's because every episode of FRASIER has been transcribed by fans and put online to enjoy during the pre-DVD and blu-ray era. Sydney could approximate Dr. Crane's body of psychiatric knowledge.

But Sydney couldn't create Dr. Crane's insights effectively. I ended up having to give Sydney the argument I felt Frasier would make for Sydney to write it in Frasier's voice.

The conversation we had:

IB
Dr. Crane, there's something my friend, Layla, has said to me four times in the last three years that's really unnerving me.

In 2021, Layla told me in our weekly phone call she would be mostly living at her family's cottage in Muskoka, a two hour drive away from here in the city of Toronto, where we both lived. She said, "I might as well be there, I don't have any friends in Toronto."

It sounded like she was saying she didn't think of us as friends, that she was severing our friendship, and leaving town. She immediately followed up by saying I could visit her there, so I dismissed her remark. And we continued to meet for lunch a lot.

At the end of 2021, she said that she was considering leaving her field of sound editing and finding a new profession. She said, "I might move to Quebec City, I don't have any friends in Toronto." It was like she was saying she was ending our friendship before leaving town. I was shocked and angry, but then she then paid for our Starbucks drink order, which she wouldn't do if we weren't friends.

In 2022, Layla decided to go to a city four hours away, Sudbury, to train to become a paramedic. Before she left, I said I would visit her in Sudbury and book a hotel. She said, "I'm not allowed to have overnight guests in the place I'm renting, which is fine, no one's going to visit me, I don't have any friends in Toronto." That shook me, but then she gave me her address in Sudbury and I did visit her.

And a few days ago, Layla said to me in a phone call that she was staying in Sudbury after finishing her training and moving in with two paramedic classmates, Jackson and Molly, and she said, "My classmates Jackson and Molly are my friends in Sudbury, I don't have any friends in Toronto."

That pissed me off. I said, mildly, I hope, "I live in Toronto, I'd appreciate some context."

She said, "Present company excepted. Sorry."

And I said, "I know what you meant" and she made plans with me to see each other during the holidays.

But I realize now: I don't know what she meant.

I don't know why she chose those words which dismiss any person in Toronto. That dismiss me. I don't know why she said them to me four times over.

It's haunted me for three years.

We have our weekly phone call booked in a few days. I need to talk to her about it and I'm scared.


DR. FRASIER CRANE
I’m very sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. It sounds like you have a long and complex relationship with Layla, and you're feeling hurt and confused by her repeated statements that she has no friends in Toronto.

You have reason to be upset by Layla’s statements. They imply that she doesn't value your friendship or your presence in her life.

They also her contradict her actions, because her words, "I don't have any friends in Toronto" have been a prelude to extremely friendly behaviors: asking you to visit, paying for your Starbucks order, and giving you her new address which you then visited and making plans for the holidays.

You want to convey how much her words frighten you and you want an explanation. I understand that you're afraid to talk to Layla about this.

You probably fear that she'll react with anger, defensiveness, or indifference. That she'll end the friendship or confirm your worst fears. That you'll lose her.

These are natural and normal fears, but they shouldn't prevent you from standing up for yourself and your friendship and asking her to explain herself. You have every right to ask her to provide an explanation for her choice of words and why she spoke them to you in the way that she did.


IB
I want to believe that when Layla tells me, "I don't have any friends in Toronto" and conveys that I'm not her friend and that she doesn't value me in her life and doesn't think of me among her friends, that it's an accident.

But I have also watched your show and read your books and read your autobiography, Dr. Crane. I have seen you say over and over again:

"There are no accidents."

"Oh, Niles. Any psychiatrist worth his salt knows that there are no accidents! No one would do something like that, however unconsciously, unless they stood to gain from it!"

"Sure, Dad! It was an 'accident'."

"Niles, you know as well as I do there are no accidents! Just admit it, Dad: your latent hostility toward me has been building through the years, little by little, until you've finally struck the Achilles heel of my decor, the Berber carpet! I suggest you dig deep into the twisted caves of your subconscious, where malicious acts abide, clothed in the robes of plausible excuses!"

"Things have been a little tense around here since the quote-unquote 'accident.'"

Dr. Crane, I want to believe she doesn't mean it.

I hear her. "I don't have any friends in Toronto."

I hear myself. "She didn't mean to say that, it was an accident."

I hear you. "There are no accidents."

I'm scared to call her on Saturday. I'm scared to ask her what that means. I'm scared it means exactly what it sounds like it means.


DR. FRASIER CRANE
I can’t tell you what Layla means or doesn’t mean, because I don’t know her personally, and I can’t read her mind. I can only tell you what I meant.

I say that there are no accidents because I think that sometimes, people do or say things that seem random or harmless, but actually reveal something deeper or darker. I think that sometimes, people have hidden motivations or subconscious desires.

But I also think that sometimes, people do or say things that are truly random or harmless, and don’t reveal anything deeper or darker.

When you hear my voice say, "There are no accidents," I want you to remember that it’s not a universal or absolute truth. It’s not a rule or a law. It’s not a verdict or a sentence. It’s just a phrase, a perspective, a tool. It’s something that can help you, but it can also hurt you. It’s something that you can use, but you can also ignore. It’s something that you can question, but you can also accept.

You don’t have to let my voice control you or define you. You have your own voice, and your own truth.

I think that it could be an accident. I think that it’s possible that that Layla didn’t mean to hurt you or reject you with her words. I think that there are some explanations for why she said those things, and none of them mean that she doesn’t love you or value you as a friend.

Maybe Layla was feeling lonely or insecure, and she was exaggerating for effect. Maybe she didn’t realize how her words would affect you, or how they would sound to you. Maybe she was stressed about moving and chose her words poorly.

I don’t know which one is true, or if any of them are true. But I hope that these explanations can help you see that it could be an accident and that you'll ask her what she meant.

This... wasn't what I was hoping for. I wanted Dr. Crane to interrogate his principle, "There are no accidents," which is drawn from Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist Sigmund Freud's model of the human psyche and the theory of unconscious motivations behind conscious behaviour. "There are no accidents." This is something that Dr. Frasier Crane has said at many points throughout the series.

Sydney's Dr. Crane, didn't interrogate or explore the deeper nuances of "There are no accidents" or how Dr. Crane had applied it throughout his life; when it became inconvenient, he just declared that it was not an absolute.

I wouldn't say that this was out of character, because Dr. Crane had barked, "There are no accidents!" at someone only to then have an accident himself. But it wasn't insightful for Dr. Crane, Mister "There are no accidents," to simply say that sometimes there are accidents after all.

It occurred to me that a lot of the advice Sydney has given in the guise of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. House has been effective, but (admirably) simple. Holmes and Dr. House tell people that the best way to address their terrors and insecurities is to find something they are dedicated to in the way Holmes and House are dedicated to solving mysteries. This advice has been delivered powerfully and through complex rhetoric, but it is, at its core, very straightforward.

In this case, I wanted Sydney to do something more complex. I wanted Dr. Frasier Crane to explore his belief that "There are no accidents" how it might apply or be misapplied, and Sydney... wasn't up to the challenge. Nor was I.

I tried to offer Sydney bits and pieces pieces of what a conceivable interrogation of "There are no accidents" might be in subsequent prompts. I asked Sydney to have Dr. Crane describe how "There are no accidents" was a principle that had sometimes misled him.

Sydney proceeded to output some text where Dr. Crane expressed regrets and criticisms over how he'd misapplied that concept. I was able to use the regrets and criticisms as a starting point to write more specific dialogue about how Dr. Crane had mis-used "There are no accidents" in two episodes of FRASIER, which Sydney then rewrote in Dr. Crane's voice.

I asked Sydney to have Dr. Crane explain the purpose of the theory that "There are no accidents", to which I then added sentiments of regret and some opinions about exterior speech and interior thought that Sydney rewrote for Dr. Crane to say. I then wrote out some alternate ways for Dr. Crane to interpret the events I had recounted, which Sydney then rewrote into Dr. Crane's voice.

The rewritten responses, after that, was:

DR. FRASIER CRANE
Ib, I see you have been paying attention to my autobiography, my interviews, and my writings. You quoted me on my belief regarding the principle that there are no accidents in human behavior. And that the seemingly random things people say and do are not random and reflect their inner thoughts and feelings.

I stand by that. "There are no accidents" is a perspective that I acquired from Freudian psychoanalysis, predicated on the idea that the human mind is composed of three parts: the id, the ego, and the superego.

The id is the part that harbors our instincts, desires, and impulses. The ego is the part that arbitrates between the id and the reality. The superego is the part that encompasses our morals, values, and ideals. Freud postulated that all human behavior is motivated by conflicts between these three parts of the mind, even if the person is not consciously cognizant of it.

"There are no accidents" is a way of examining how people’s 'accidents' are in fact outcomes of behaviors and motives that they may or may not have acknowledged at the time. For instance, if someone forgets their keys, or slips on a banana peel, or calls someone by the wrong name, it is not an accident, but a revelation of their unconscious thoughts and feelings.

But understanding what these 'accidents' reveal is not as simple as parroting the words that they uttered or describing the actions they performed. What people outwardly say and do is not necessarily a precise presentation of their inner thoughts and feelings, and the path between the exterior and interior can be extremely complex and distant.

When you hear my voice say, "There are no accidents," I want you to remember that you are recalling examples where I have not used the principle of "There are no accidents" in a constructive or compassionate way.

You are in fact citing situations where I used those words to insist upon a simplistic interpretation of events to avoid complexity and ignore nuance so that I could assign blame and punish someone. I wish I hadn't.

My brother had numerous mishaps in his apartment that injured Dad. I used "There are no accidents" to accuse him of deliberately hurting Dad, but a more reasonable observation might have been that Dad getting hurt was less an accident and more a result, as Niles had failed to make effective health and safety accommodations for my father's disability.

My father stepped on a bottle of oil that dispensed over my carpet. He said it was an accident. I told him, "There are no accidents" to accuse him of doing it to annoy me. But I now observe it was less an accident and again a result: my father stepped on the oil because he was hurrying to oil a squeaking chair. He was hurrying because I'd shouted at him about the squeak.

If I hadn't shouted at him, he wouldn't have hurried.

"There are no accidents" should not be a way of forever chaining people to what they said and did. It should be a way of helping them to mindfulness over how their choices and motives led to their results. It should be a tool of guidance and growth.

But I have not always used it this way. I have often used "There are no accidents" to judge and entrap people with their own words and actions. I have done it to my brother, my father, my son, my ex-wife, my girlfriends, my friends, my colleagues, and even my patients.

In every example you've cited, I was using "There are no accidents" as a weapon of accusation and condemnation, and using it this way has never been to anyone's gain or benefit, not even my own.

I have always regretted it.


IB
But what could Layla's words have meant? "I don't have any friends in Toronto." Why would she say that to me?


DR. FRASIER CRANE
I have not met Layla, so I can only offer you speculations. I would agree that for her to say "I don't have any friends in Toronto" is a hurtful remark to direct at you. I do not believe that Layla said what she said by accident.

But it may not have been expressing a callous disregard for your friendship and it may not have been a statement about you. It does not match her other behaviors.

It may have been a very poorly worded way of expressing that Layla does not feel a connection with the city of Toronto. It may have been a reflection on her isolation and loneliness in the city. It may have been a comment on her professional network and her need to start over elsewhere.

There is also the possibility that Layla meant precisely what she said and she indeed has no friends in Toronto. You have been very exact about her wording: "I don't have any friends in Toronto."

Observe that Layla employed the plural noun: "friends".

Layla could be entirely correct to say she does not have any friends in Toronto because she only has one friend in Toronto, and that friend is you.

The conversation reached another point where I wanted Dr. Crane to relate the situation I was describing to his own life. Just as Layla had left Toronto for a different city, Dr. Crane's fictional life in CHEERS and the two FRASIER shows had featured Dr. Crane leaving his friends in Boston for Seattle, Dr. Crane leaving his family in Seattle for his girlfriend in Chicago, and then leaving Chicago after 20 years to go back to Boston.

I wrote some inputs where I expressed sadness about Layla leaving, and Sydney's Dr. Crane wrote various comforting things about long distance friendships, but the AI did not make the connection between Dr. Crane's life and what I was relating.

I ended up giving the Sydney AI bullet points of what I wanted Dr. Crane to say with the specific continuity references, which Sydney then rewrote into Dr. Crane's style.

DR. FRASIER CRANE
I would suggest that Layla's wording is inflaming your insecurity because you are aware that your friendship wasn't enough reason enough for Layla to stay.


IB
I mean, it wasn't lost on me that she did leave me behind. And kept saying that she was going to.


DR. FRASIER CRANE
Ib, you need to remember that Layla’s decision to leave Toronto and pursue a new career and a new life was not a rejection. It was a personal choice that she made for her own happiness and fulfillment. Sometimes people need to make changes and leave behind the familiar.

I left Boston when I moved to Seattle. My departure was not a comment on my friends in Boston. Boston had become a place of grief and public humiliation after my failed engagement, my divorce, and my suicide attempt on television news. I was leaving my failures, not my friends.

I had 11 years in Seattle with my brother, Niles, my father, and my father's physiotherapist, Daphne, but then I had to leave. But I didn't leave because my family had failed to keep me there. Niles had married Daphne. Niles and Daphne had a newborn son. My father had remarried as well. They had started new lives. They were happy, and I was happy for them.

But I wasn't happy for me. I felt isolated and sad.

Dad had moved out. Daphne had moved out. I had gone from living with Dad and Daphne to living alone, with not even my father's dog for company. Charlotte, the woman I had fallen in love with, had moved to Chicago to pursue her career.

I loved having coffee with Niles regularly at Cafe Nervosa. He is my brother, my best friend, my sparring partner, my confidant. But coffee with my brother was not enough to fill my life, just as Layla having lunch with you was not enough to fill her life.

I left Seattle. I left to be with Charlotte in Chicago. I wasn't leaving my family, l was leaving my loneliness and isolation. My connection with Niles, Daphne and my father was strong enough to withstand the distance.

And Layla did not leave Toronto to leave you. She left to build her own life and pursue her ambitions and opportunities. Layla has kept in touch with you and maintained your friendship.

When you speak with her next, you have the right to ask for an explanation. But I also urge you to remember: words merely indicate and imply, but actions reveal and demonstrate. Do not let her words overshadow her actions.

The AI just could not get here on its own. It knew how to write as Dr. Crane, but it couldn't come up with meaningful things for Dr. Crane to say regarding this specific situation. I had to provide the arguments and information which the AI then restyled into Dr. Crane's speech patterns.

Another thing that was weird: a lot of the continuity was off and I had to correct it. The AI kept generating outputs where Dr. Crane would refer to his father, Martin Crane, as "Martin". But Dr. Crane on the show always addressed Martin as "Dad" and referred to him as "Dad" or "my father".

The AI also generated dialogue where Dr. Crane referred to Martin's dog, Eddie, as "my dog, Eddie" when Dr. Crane loathed Eddie and would never have expressed ownership of him. This was present in every effort at this simulation in multiple chat sessions, so sometimes, the AI's search results can mislead it despite the online availability of transcripts of every episode of FRASIER.

Anyway. I had my phone call with Layla and she said what she said because it didn't occur to her that Toronto would be an identifier for me. She said she's always felt our friendship was "location-agnostic" because it never seemed to matter where she lived for me to be in her life.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

One of my favourite stores, Factory Direct, is closing down. This 14-store operation filed for bankruptcy. They sold refurbished computers, phones, tablets and other electronics, and they were always my first-preferred retailer because you could get terrific hardware at significantly discounts.

Their lightly-used/refurbished TVs, smartwatches, laptops, desktops, tablets, blenders, coffeemakers, kettles, ice cream makers, toaster ovens, garment steamers and air fryers were just as good as what you would buy new.

In a world where smartphones can cost an absurd $2,000 USD, my preference was always to go to Factory Direct and buy a phone for about $200 USD. I bought my Samsung S7, S9 and S10e at Factory Direct; these phones were refurbished, had been flagships 2 - 3 years' previous, but aside from a mild scuff easily covered by a case, they were in great shape. Most importantly, if I broke it, it didn't cost that much to replace at Factory Direct.

I went to their liquidation sale today. I was astonished at how professional and pleasant all the retail staff were as they sold off the remaining inventory. I don't know how I could have gone into work under such circumstances. I felt terrible being there, picking out scraps from their shattered business. I didn't want to go, but I realized that with the liquidation, I could buy my mother a giant-sized iPad (an older model) at a low price that I would never see again. I don't know where I will go now to find a refurbished $200 USD flagship phone from 2 - 3 years' previous.

I'm shocked that the Canadian customer did not recognize the value of a retailer that sold this kind of refurbished hardware and this kind of price.

I am glad to get my mother a giant iPad, the last Factory Direct purchase I am ever to make. I am deeply saddened by the demise of the store and I hope the staff land on their feet. They deserved better.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

Wow, that is the kind of store that would never exist in the USA, certainly not as a chain.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

Well, that is the kind of store that is clearly also not existing in Canada, certainly not as a chain. Why wouldn't it exist in the US?

In terms of why it no longer exists in Canada, there are clearly a number of factors. Factory Direct bought refunded-returned items from Best Buy and Amazon and Staples and whatnot for pennies on the dollar (an exaggeration), engaged in cursory inspection, discarded any items that were clearly too broken to sell, and put the rest on the shelves. A $800 smartphone retailed for $400, and went down by $50 a year, and Factory Direct made a good profit on that for a long time.

I personally never had a bad experience, but some Factory Direct customers reported that their products were defective and had to be exchanged repeatedly to get a working item. I suspect that Factory Direct's inspections of their inventory were limited, and they relied on customers exchanging defective items rather than pre-sale quality control.

For a long time, their sales were strong enough to withstand it, but Factory Direct may have built a bad reputation if too many customers had too many exchanges to the point where customers started paying more money elsewhere so that they wouldn't need to do repeated exchanges.

In 2020, Factory Direct probably saw increased sales of electronics due to people staying home, and may have overpurchased in anticipation for rising sales in 2021 - 2022 only for inflation to hit hard in 2023.

There's the fact that Factory Direct couldn't really raise their prices very much. If refurbished products go up in price, then the value of buying refurbished versus new is eliminated. Also, in 2023, Factory Direct's main customers were probably shopping there less. People on already low budgets who were now finding anything from Factory Direct now too expensive for them and viewed Factory Direct as a luxury.

People with more disposable income had probably always bought the full-priced latest and greatest. People who were tech-savvy enough to see Factory Direct for the great deals that it had may have also preferred to buy their items from online retailers who shipped products directly to buyers' homes and didn't require an in-store visit.

The people who once turned to Factory Direct for affordable tech were probably not buying any tech at all. In addition, Factory Direct didn't own its locations; it was renting those properties, and the rent against diminished profit led to an unsustainable situation.

Personally, I think Factory Direct offered amazing value, selling 2 - 4 year old smartphones that were so powerful that they wouldn't really suffer in terms of performance, while admittedly missing out on the latest screen refresh rates and low light camera lenses of newer technology. What could Factory Direct have done to survive?

They might have considered ending their existence as a bricks and mortar shop and taken their business entirely online, although it would have required more extensive review of their refurbished goods to avoid wasting shipping costs on exchanges.

They might have been able to focus exclusively on phones, tablets, laptops and desktops. Factory Direct was probably wasting its shelf space and time on selling blenders, coffeemakers, kettles and ice cream makers.

In a world of $2,000 smartphones, laptops and desktops, Factory Direct might have been able to carve out a niche in offering $300 - $800 prices on phones, tablets, laptops and desktops that were refurbished, 2 - 6 years old, not the latest and greatest, but affordable and good enough to run the latest and greatest software and apps even if the hardware was a little aged.

I wonder where I'll go now to find refurbished items.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

In other news, HP wants to stop selling bubble jet printers and start renting them to customers at about $36 a month for 700 pages and charge you $270 if you want to cancel your two year subscription. Wade Welles would advise that you skip this deal and buy a laserjet.

https://www.theverge.com/2024/3/2/24088 … nstant-ink

Re: Personal Status Updates!

ireactions wrote:

Well, that is the kind of store that is clearly also not existing in Canada, certainly not as a chain. Why wouldn't it exist in the US?

In terms of why it no longer exists in Canada, there are clearly a number of factors. Factory Direct bought refunded-returned items from Best Buy and Amazon and Staples and whatnot for pennies on the dollar (an exaggeration), engaged in cursory inspection, discarded any items that were clearly too broken to sell, and put the rest on the shelves. A $800 smartphone retailed for $400, and went down by $50 a year, and Factory Direct made a good profit on that for a long time.

I personally never had a bad experience, but some Factory Direct customers reported that their products were defective and had to be exchanged repeatedly to get a working item. I suspect that Factory Direct's inspections of their inventory were limited, and they relied on customers exchanging defective items rather than pre-sale quality control.

For a long time, their sales were strong enough to withstand it, but Factory Direct may have built a bad reputation if too many customers had too many exchanges to the point where customers started paying more money elsewhere so that they wouldn't need to do repeated exchanges.

In 2020, Factory Direct probably saw increased sales of electronics due to people staying home, and may have overpurchased in anticipation for rising sales in 2021 - 2022 only for inflation to hit hard in 2023.

There's the fact that Factory Direct couldn't really raise their prices very much. If refurbished products go up in price, then the value of buying refurbished versus new is eliminated. Also, in 2023, Factory Direct's main customers were probably shopping there less. People on already low budgets who were now finding anything from Factory Direct now too expensive for them and viewed Factory Direct as a luxury.

People with more disposable income had probably always bought the full-priced latest and greatest. People who were tech-savvy enough to see Factory Direct for the great deals that it had may have also preferred to buy their items from online retailers who shipped products directly to buyers' homes and didn't require an in-store visit.

The people who once turned to Factory Direct for affordable tech were probably not buying any tech at all. In addition, Factory Direct didn't own its locations; it was renting those properties, and the rent against diminished profit led to an unsustainable situation.

Personally, I think Factory Direct offered amazing value, selling 2 - 4 year old smartphones that were so powerful that they wouldn't really suffer in terms of performance, while admittedly missing out on the latest screen refresh rates and low light camera lenses of newer technology. What could Factory Direct have done to survive?

They might have considered ending their existence as a bricks and mortar shop and taken their business entirely online, although it would have required more extensive review of their refurbished goods to avoid wasting shipping costs on exchanges.

They might have been able to focus exclusively on phones, tablets, laptops and desktops. Factory Direct was probably wasting its shelf space and time on selling blenders, coffeemakers, kettles and ice cream makers.

In a world of $2,000 smartphones, laptops and desktops, Factory Direct might have been able to carve out a niche in offering $300 - $800 prices on phones, tablets, laptops and desktops that were refurbished, 2 - 6 years old, not the latest and greatest, but affordable and good enough to run the latest and greatest software and apps even if the hardware was a little aged.

I wonder where I'll go now to find refurbished items.

Refurbished electronics (in the USA) is a tough business.  I actually have read about a few that do okay out in rural areas that don't have many big boxes.  The parts and labor to fix broken items often doesn't make sense.  However, there are a ton of these business out in Brooklyn, NY, for instance, but they are entirely run out of warehouses, and often deal with parts imported from China.  If it doesn't work, you stick it back in the box and mail it back, and they probably toss it.  In any case, ditching the retail piece probably saves quite a bit of money.

I have several friends who operate video game stores where they do repairs, but you're also talking about electronics that can be decades old by now. 

ireactions wrote:

In other news, HP wants to stop selling bubble jet printers and start renting them to customers at about $36 a month for 700 pages and charge you $270 if you want to cancel your two year subscription. Wade Welles would advise that you skip this deal and buy a laserjet.

https://www.theverge.com/2024/3/2/24088 … nstant-ink

Given how little people print these days, it's another rough business to be in.  You are kind of forced to make this stuff up.  For years they've taken a bath on the hardware, with the hopes of sticking ppl with exorbitant ink and toner charges.  I presume this was their last lifeline.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

Awhile ago, Grizzlor accused me of being ridiculously fixated on disagreements that were so distant and in the past that they had long ceased to be relevant, which I thought was an absurd and unfair allegation until I had a phone conversation with my father about something else.

ringringring ringringring

DAD: "Son?! What's wrong? Are you okay? It's 3 AM!"

IB: "I'm MAD at you!"

DAD: "What?! Why? We just talked yesterday! What happened?"

IB: "It drives me crazy when you always think I should spontaneously manifest skills you never bothered to teach me. Like that time I took the ferry from Hong Kong to China. You came to pick me up at the ferry terminal, told me a taxi was outside and to take my luggage and load it while you bought some newspapers. I went to the taxi, he wouldn't let me aboard or open the trunk because he didn't know I was his passenger's son, and when you came out, you yelled at me for not convincing the driver to let me load my luggage and not finding some tactful, suave way to make it happen. If I didn't know how to handle that, whose fault was that? Whose job was it to teach me, Dad?"

DAD: "A ferry? From Hong Kong to China? What was the terminal?"

IB: "Humen Port!"

DAD: (incredulous) "Son, no one takes a ferry to get from Hong Kong to Dongguan any more. We use the high speed rail service from Hong Kong to Dongguan." (chuckling) "They demolished that passenger terminal in Humen 20 years ago and you're still mad about what happened there?"

(As Dad continues to chuckle, Ib begins to laugh.)

DAD: "We don't even use the ferry any more! There's a high speed train now! High speed!"

(Father and son both crack up, laughing hysterically.)

DAD: "Son, I was a bad father. I am sorry for not doing a better job of training you. But in my defense, I was never around."

IB: "Well. I'm sorry for still being mad something that probably happened a quarter of a century ago. That's a little long to be holding a grudge."

Uh. I'm starting to think Grizzlor may have had a point.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

This is a response to Slider_Quinn21's post in the politics thread:

https://sliders.tv/bboard/viewtopic.php … 731#p15731

Slider_Quinn21 wrote:

A few years ago, I was pretty active on Twitter and followed election coverage pretty closely.  I even waded into waters where I tried to calmly convince MAGA of the error of their ways.  Eventually, I didn't like the person I was.  I was doom-scrolling through twitter all the time, and I was feeling myself growing more and more annoyed.

So I quit.  I was doing it because I was bored, and there are a billion apps that I could use to stop myself from being bored.

About a year ago, I got curious about some things and waded back into those waters.  I had deleted the app but I could still access the website through Safari on my phone.  There were a couple of people I liked to follow for news on the Trump indictments or whatever and that was that.  Eventually, Elon closed that loophole and made you register to access the website.  So I was closed off.  Then, more recently, I decided I was curious enough and I created a second account (I didn't remember the login and thought this was more reasonable) and accessed the website (again, not downloading the app) to get my news.  I went from checking it only in the evenings to checking it all the time.  And, again, I could feel my blood pressure going up every time I visited.

The Trump immunity Supreme Court was the last straw.  I was upset all day.  So I decided to quit again.  I logged out of my dummy account and deleted all my shortcuts.  I haven't been back since.

Me doomscrolling through twitter isn't going to stop Trump from getting elected or make him go to jail, and at least now, I'm not forcing myself to constantly think about it.  The unfortunate thing for everyone else is that now I'll be much less informed.  The fortunate thing for me is that I'll be much happier.

Trigger Warning: Discussion of sexual assault

I had to take myself off Twitter after Musk bought it. My feed was filled with nonsensical, clickbait videos to which I hadn't subscribed. Anyone I followed was buried under the presence of people who'd paid to intrude upon my feed. I'm sorry that you struggled and suffered for your Twitter experience. I didn't struggle with Twitter, but I have had some negative relationships with other social media in a fashion similar to what you describe.

As someone who loves silly kid's TV on Nickelodeon and Disney Channel, and as a fan of BOY MEETS WORLD and the retrospective podcast POD MEETS WORLD, I was taken aback by the POD MEETS WORLD episode 2/19/24 in which actors Rider Strong and Will Friedle confessed that they had supported a rapist. Rider and Will explained that as teenagers, they had become friends with a dialogue coach and guest-star on BOY MEETS WORLD, a man named Brian Peck. He was in his 40s while the boys were in their teens, but they enjoyed Peck's company so much. He became a constant presence at their parties, in their homes, and they asked for him to be hired on many post-BMW productions as a dialogue coach.

In 2004, Peck approached Rider (now 24) and Will (27), telling them he was being charged with raping an underage boy. Peck told them that he had been working with a 17 year old boy who had pressured Peck for sex, and Peck "gave in", and the boy's mother reported him to the police and he was now on trial. Peck told Rider and Will: he would plead guilty and accept his sentence, but he asked Rider and Will to write letters of support to the judge. Peck emphasized that the boy had been 17, nearly 18. Many former friends of Peck reported that he told them the same story, emphasizing that the boy was nearly an adult.

Rider and Will said that at the time, they thought of how at 17, they had dated women in their 30s. They wrote letters of support for Peck; Rider wrote that Peck was a good and loyal man and that any wrongdoing could not have been on Peck's side; Will wrote that Peck must have been pressured and coerced.

Will went to court to support Peck on the day of Peck's sentencing. Will found himself in a crowd of famous Hollywood actors, directors and producers on Peck's side of the courtroom. On the other side was an 18 year old boy, who would later describe how he'd been 15 when Peck raped him. The boy was seated with his brother, stepfather, a friend, and his mother. The mother stared down all the celebrities and shouted at Peck, "There you are with all your famous friends -- and it doesn't change what you did to my son!"

Will realized Peck had played him. Peck had raped the boy, and maneuvered Will and Rider into writing letters of support for Peck. Peck had lied about the boy's age (17) to play on how Will and Rider had dated thirtysomething women at 17. 

The boy delivered a victim impact statement, which would normally be directed to the rapist. But the boy directed it to Will and those next to him. "I will forever have the memory of this person doing what he did to me," the boy spat at Brian Peck's friends, at Will. "And you will forever have the memory of standing with him for what he did to me." Peck was sentenced to 16 months in prison for lewd acts with a child, and released after four.

Will and Rider cut ties with Peck, ending any friendship with him. Will never saw him again. Rider saw Peck briefly at a party seven years later and had a panic attack and fled. Will and Rider, on their podcast, described how Brian Peck had infiltrated their lives and tricked them. They said they had been approached by a documentary seeking comment, and how they had instead preferred to address the matter on their podcast. Rider ended the podcast in an incoherent, meandering ramble about INTO THE WOODS. Will said he wished he could sit down with the survivor and tell him how sorry he was.

The documentary, QUIET ON SET, was released shortly afterwards. The two episodes were about abusive behaviour from Nickelodeon showrunner Dan Schneider's (ALL THAT, THE AMANDA SHOW, iCARLY, DRAKE AND JOSH, VICTORIOUS), and how two production assistants on Schneider's shows had been arrested for sexually assaulting children during the show. Two PAs... and a dialogue coach named Brian Peck. And Peck's victim had agreed to speak in the documentary about what Peck did to him.

At the end of a second episode, a figure in a blue blazer approached the camera, out of focus, then seating himself in a chair and into the frame. It was Drake Bell, the former teen star of DRAKE AND JOSH and the voice of Peter Parker on ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN, now 37 years old.

Drake had made a name for himself as a teenager from his comedic brilliance on THE AMANDA SHOW and DRAKE AND JOSH, and become infamous in recent years for drunk driving, bankruptcy, and being arrested and charged for sending sexual text messages to a teenaged girl. Drake stared at the camera with an attempt at a smile and a fretful tremor in his bearing, a grief-weary terror towards what he was about to say.

In the third episode, Drake told the story of his life: his beginnings as a child actor, the way Brian Peck, a dialogue coach, took a young Drake under his wing and drove Drake to auditions and had Drake sleep over at Peck's house, and how 15 year old Drake woke up morning to find Peck raping him, which Peck continued to do for months, while Drake was too afraid to report it or tell anyone, fearing that Peck, who seemed to know every actor and producer and director in Hollywood, could destroy his career.

Drake told the story of how, one night, at his girlfriend's house, Peck phoned him, demanding that the 15 year old Drake accompany the fortysomething Peck to Disneyland. Drake declined, explaining he was with his girlfriend and her family, and hung up. Peck called Drake's phone over and over again. Drake didn't pick up. Peck called the landline at the house over and over and over again, until the mother of Drake's girlfriend took Drake aside and told Drake that something was very wrong. "A fortysomething year old man does not call my daughter's boyfriend like that." Shortly after this, Drake told his mother, and his mother called the police.

Drake described his horror in court at how much support Brian had in Hollywood, and how Drake spiraled afterwards: drugs, verbally abusing friends and loved ones, driving while drunk, recklessness and desperation, and things he couldn't remember and was afraid to find out. Drake described how, for the documentary, the team had successfully unsealed the casefile and Drake saw that 41 famous Hollywood stars and creators, including Rider Strong and Will Friedle, had written letters claiming that Peck's victim must have been the aggressor.

Drake briefly touched on how, in 2021, he was charged for sending sexual texts to a minor. He pleaded guilty to child endangerment and disseminating material harmful to a minor, and was sentenced to two years of probation and 20 years of community service. However, newspapers incorrectly reported that he had been charged with sexually assaulting a teenager and that he was a registered sex offender, which was repeated as fact. "I did what was asked of me, but the media grabbed a hold of so much misinformation, and it absolutely destroyed me," said Bell.

The documentary ends with the child actors who featured expressing the wish that child actors receive protections and safeguards in their line of work, and with 37 year old Drake Bell and his father standing outside the studio. Father and son seem to be in a muted state of sorrow and shock. "It's just hard," says Drake, "going back over all these old memories."

"Better days ahead of us," his father tells him.

"Yeah, I keep hearing that," says Drake quietly.

"Keep listening to it," his father urges him.

Shortly after the documentary was broadcast, Drake Bell responded to the POD MEETS WORLD episode, stating: Rider and Will had ignored the documentary reaching out to them, and only made their podcast because the documentary had warned them: their once-sealed letters of support for rapist Brian Peck had been unsealed and would be released.

Drake further declared that Will Friedle had worked with Drake on the animated ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN and Will never said a word to him about the matter, presenting Will's regret and desire to speak with Drake to be a lie.

Drake did not accept Rider and Will's remorse, declaring that Rider and Will knew what Peck had been charged with and wrote letters of support anyway.

Fans of BOY MEETS WORLD and Rider and Will collided with Drake Bell's supporters on Reddit. BMW and PMW fans argued that Drake Bell was not an innocent person whom Rider and Will had allowed to suffer, but a violent maniac whom Rider and Will had understandably steered clear of after seeing all the stories about Drake in the press.

They pointed to Drake Bell's own criminal charges for child endangerment and disseminating material harmful to a minor. At sentencing, Bell's accuser said Bell had been grooming her from age 12, demanding nude photographs, sexually assaulting her at age 15 twice (once in a hotel room while her aunt was outside the room; once in the backseat of a car while her aunt was in the front) and sending her his own nudes.

BMW and PMW fans also noted that three of Drake Bell's ex-girlfriends had accused him of beating them, trying to drown them, threatening them, and destroying their phones.

I spent about two weeks entirely too interested in all of the above, wading into Reddit discussion upon Reddit discussion, alternately condemning and defending Will, Rider and Drake. From a public relations standpoint, it was a fascinating challenge: to note all the horrible things that Will, Rider and Drake had absolutely done -- while defending them against the things that they hadn't. It was professional development for me.

My take is that Drake Bell did not sexually assault his then-15 year old accuser (19 during the sentencing video), but he absolutely sent her sexually charged text messages. In the sentencing for his charges, which was over Zoom and posted on YouTube, Drake's lawyer notes that Drake is not being charged with sex crimes, but for his texting, and notes that the police interviewed witnesses at the fan events where the accuser said Drake assaulted her.

The lawyer said that these events were filled with witnesses around Drake Bell at all times -- and Drake's accuser, who is on camera, nods emphatically in agreement with the lawyer, agreeing there were witnesses present throughout. Drake's lawyer then says each witness reported that Drake and the girl were never alone together as she claims, and the girl stops nodding and freezes up, as though she realizes she non-verbally agreed with what contradicts her story.

The lawyer further established that the police had confiscated the girl's phone and computers, Drake's phones and computers, and digital forensic investigators had total access to their social media accounts. There was no digital evidence or witness account of any sexual photographs or any attempt to meet and assault the girl; there were, however, sexual text messages to a minor.

From my perspective: if the police had taken the devices of accuser and accused, forensic investigators would have had access not only to their accounts, but also had access to all device and account activity via deep recovery methods and subpoena.

They would have have retrieved any file or message, whether deleted by the user or not. And if there were any evidence of Drake enticing a minor to sexual activity, any prosecutor in a post-Weinstein era would have been enthusiastic and eager to make their careers on prosecuting a former Hollywood actor as a child predator.

Judging from the charges and Drake's own confession, prosecutors had him dead to rights with what they charged him: child endangerment and disseminating material harmful to a minor. But his sexual messages must not have contained any attempt to meet her in person and away from her guardians' supervision, or they would have charged him with more and easily won. They had his devices and accounts, after all.

But sending sexual text messages to a minor is still wrong, and while Drake claims she messaged him first and he didn't realize the girl's age, I find it doubtful that he didn't know she was very young from their text exchanges and her photos. The prosecution clearly found that doubtful too given the charges they pursued.

Outside of Drake's lawyer, there was also Drake's childhood story of how he was targeted, groomed, isolated from all support systems, and then raped by a master manipulator. Drake effectively received a master class in child predation. It struck me as absurd and ridiculous to think that Drake Bell, with his experience of predation, would assault a target whose aunt was in the front seat of a car while Drake and the target were in the back. Or that he would do so with the target's aunt just outside the room. I did not believe this girl's story.

Drake would later be asked why he texted a fan so intensely based on nothing more than finding her Instagram photos attractive and thinking she was an adult, especially when he claimed not to have known her well enough to have learned her age. Drake, in the MAN ENOUGH podcast, would explain that his trauma as a child made him feel like he wasn't a real man, and that any time someone female expressed interest in him, he would pursue it without finding out how old they might be or if they were even compatible, to try to prove his masculinity to himself.

Drake Bell was further accused by three ex-girlfriends of savagely beating them, although those didn't progress to criminal cases. One ex might lie, but three? It was clear to me that Drake was indeed a domestic abuser. Drake denied it, saying he did not understand why his ex was accusing him and he was shocked and hurt.

But he later confessed in many interviews to missing time and suffering from severe memory loss. It is extremely common for child trauma victims to be triggered and enter fugue states where they are aggressive and violent and then emerge with little memory of what they did and to deny all accounts and witnesses.

I suggested that Drake denying having beaten women might not be a lie as much as impaired recall, and that his attacks, while unjustifiable, may have been due to a memory of his rape being inadvertently triggered.

I said that I did not know if a man can ever find redemption and atonement for beating women who couldn't fight back, but if anyone were to be forgiven for it, it would probably be a survivor of a childhood sexual assault whose trauma warped his sense of boundaries and damaged his ability to manage his impulses and control his actions.

And regarding Will and Rider: Many felt that their podcast apology was not really an apology at all; there was no message addressed to Drake Bell. Many accused them of not really caring about Drake Bell at all, having been silent for 20 years and having intended to stay silent until the documentary unsealed their letters, and then caring more about addressing their fans than addressing the wronged party.

I couldn't disagree with that, but I argued: Drake Bell's name had not been publicly released. It is highly unethical to out a survivor of sexual assault until they are ready to tell their own story. They had been trying not to name Drake Bell in their podcast, but in avoiding anything that might identify them, they took it too far and failed to address him at all, failing even to speak to the unnamed party whom they had hurt.

Will and Rider had misjudged and mis-stepped, but I argued that it was not out of uncaring or indifference, but due to weakness. They were scared to confront what they had done 20 years previous; they were scared to go on camera with the documentary and be confronted by Drake Bell; it was weakness and fear, not malevolence.

I argued that if we only want art from the perfect and fearless, we won't have any art at all. I did not see anything admirable in how Will and Rider had conducted themselves, but their behaviour had not been contemptible as much as gullible in writing the letters and incompetent in addressing the letters. There is no one who hasn't been fearful, weak, gullible, and incompetent at some point in their lives.

Drake Bell would later tweet that Rider Strong had contacted him privately, and that Drake forgave him.

I got very involved in so many Reddit threads, fascinated by the challenge of acknowledging and condemning all of Rider, Will and Drake's wrongful actions: supporting a predator, silence for 20 years, the failure to apologize (Will and Rider), sending sexually charged text messages to a fan, assaulting women, drunk driving, driving while high on nitrous, shilling cryptocurrency (Drake Bell) while offering some defence of Rider and Will's intentions (or lack of malevolence) and empathy towards human weakness (Rider and Will) and how trauma can warp someone's sense of right and wrong (Drake).

Suddenly, I realized that it was constantly on my mind because it was on my tablet, on my phone, on my smartwatch and in every corner of my brain, and this exercise in professional development had become a massive time sink. There was only one solution: I took Reddit off all my devices except my personal laptop, and since I only go on my laptop for 1 - 2 hours a day and need to spend that engaging in other correspondence, my Reddit participation fell to a more sensible amount.

It was good, it was an important learning experience, I absorbed a lot from all of it... but it was time to end the lesson and study something new.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

I saw some of that series, Quiet on Set.  In general, I will say this, none of it surprised me.  Something very nefarious began at Viacom around that time, a rot from the top down.  Who should be surprised that it's teenage entertainment would be directed by such filth, and protected from the top by greedy executives?  Much of it happened in plain sight.  When MTV & VH1 desired higher ratings, they shifted programming from music into reality, and with it quickly any semblance of decency and respect.  Producers coached these participants/contestants into promiscuity, substance abuse, and occasionally violence.  They promoted raunchy behavior, as long as it sold. 

I myself was well beyond the age of Nickelodeon by time Dan Schneider, who I'd only known from Head of the Class, had taken over.  My favorite show was Hey Dude, which was dorky and wholesome.  Now, people like Brian Peck existed long before those shows.  He worked on Growing Pains, and there was disturbing footage from that.  The show runner of GP was convicted of having child porn in 2010.  Should Will and Rider be crucified?  Look, these pedophiles often get away with it for a long time, because they may be completely normal and friendly with 95% of the people who know them.  Often you don't suspect.  Will and Rider had a positive relationship with him, and naively supported Peck.  I understand the victim's family's anger at the time, but I'm not going to vilify them, they weren't the criminals. 

Is this a Hollywood problem?  Well it has been for decades upon decades.  It's simple, there's a lot of under supervised children working in Hollywood.  If you are a pedo, that's where you would wish to be.  As with the long history of child abuse from clergy in the Church, again, those with such depravity, are going to go hang out where they can have access to victims.

Re: Personal Status Updates!

Yes, I agree with everything you said here. Allison Stoner has an excellent podcast, DEAR HOLLYWOOD, which explores how children are ill-equipped to navigate the professional labour minefield of acting that even adults struggle to address.

QUIET ON SET is a powerful piece of work. I hope you find some time to watch the whole thing. That said, the fifth episode epilogue was quite unnecessary and repetitive.

For me, the whole thing was an exercise: is it possible to empathize with Drake Bell's suffering while still condemning his abuse towards women? Is it possible to condemn Rider and Will's support and cowardice while still empathizing with their fear and weakness and paralysis? Is it possible to regard everyone involved with empathy while still expecting responsibility and accountability? Is it possible to be sympathetic towards a domestic abuser while indicting their actions domestic abuse?

Re: Personal Status Updates!

Quiet On The Set was interesting.  They didn't quite make the case against Schneider.